Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Selflessness

Maybe it's the second-semester drag, maybe it's the incessant wind, or maybe it's the color of my fingernail polish, but for whatever reason, lately I just haven't felt quite like myself.  This is not to say that I have felt like anyone else in particular; if I had woken up this morning feeling like P. Diddy or Jacy French or Winston Churchill, I think I should be quite aware of it via sudden unnatural urges to wear sunglasses indoors or play rugby or make inspirational speeches.  No, no, no, I'm afraid you have misunderstood me entirely.  I don't feel like somebody else's self; I just don't feel like the self that I normally am.

The self that I find myself so often being is apt to change her mind oftener than a man with a remote will change the channel, but aside from my tendency to waver over menu choices, I usually know exactly what it is that I want at any given moment.  As of approximately twenty-six hours ago, I haven't had the slightest clue what I want.  The only thing I am sure of is my uncharacteristic uncertainty. 

I have found that in desperate times such as these, the best way to recover my selfness is to figure out a few things that I am certain of, document them for future reference, and then proceed to determine whether I just need to repaint my fingernails, or quit college altogether and move to South America to get back to my normal state of absolute opinionated stubbornness. 

Here are my lists.  Please feel free to make your own and submit them in the comment box below. 


Things I will never like:
  • cinnamon flavored gum
  • physical education classes
  • being surprised
  • research papers (my own or anyone else's)
  • wet socks

Things I will always like:
  • coloring books
  • buying shampoo
  • my ears
  • irregular-sized coffee mugs
  • chalkboards


4 comments:

  1. I will always like the way you write.

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  2. Things I will never like:
    *wet dog smell
    *pineapple
    *the color pink
    *anything DC or tapout brand

    Things I will always like:
    *typography
    *argument
    *blue jeans
    *a good pair of comfy shoes
    *mac and cheese

    ReplyDelete
  3. P.S. I like your chalkboard picture

    ReplyDelete
  4. I hate cinnamon flavored gum. And wet socks. And I love buying new body wash or shampoo, MY ears, and huge, out of the ordinary coffee mugs....not to copy your list, but we're much more alike than I thought. And I like making lists ;-)

    And, I'm with your dad, I like the way you write.

    The funny thing about these 'times'-being uncertain and not feeling ourselves-is that they usually result in something. A change, a new place, or an unexpected event. I know this because I've been there a million times. Sometimes in a single day. It's so very hard, but try and rest in this uncertainty. Rest in knowing that it is temporary and that it must be a nudge to get you to a different place.

    Thinking of you,
    <3 A

    ReplyDelete